I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
