grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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