We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
