Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
