Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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