standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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