Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
