so that wasnt chicken after all
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just invented taco cereal.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
