He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize