i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
