I look better un-naked...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
