At least make sure they are 18
Why
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
