if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
