'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
