Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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