Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
