Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
