she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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