I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
