She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize