The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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