I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Come share oat with me in your robe
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Who put my cat in the fridge?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
