burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
