my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
