I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
