we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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