I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
