at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hippo gnu deer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
