my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
