i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
