Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
