My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
