we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize