I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Houston, we have a squirter
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
