i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
