If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
