I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
