Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
