and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is classic penis vs brain.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
