Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
