she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
