Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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