She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize