Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
