His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
