I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
