Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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