this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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