I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
