i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
