I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
