I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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