He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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