U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
