Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
