hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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