It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
