This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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