ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need water and some morals
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
