Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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