I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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