My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
