I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the condom got lost in my hair
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
