I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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