Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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