i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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