Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
