Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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