I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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