Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize