hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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