I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
