So drunk, too bad you don't want this
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
