pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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