well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
