I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
