I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
