Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
