made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
