wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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