If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
