before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
