I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
