Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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