yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
