I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
