I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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