i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
