My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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