so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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