Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
