you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm bleeding and have questions
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
