I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
