mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize