Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize