In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
