OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
