the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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