I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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