bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
