Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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