I wish I could teleport
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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