My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
