Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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