this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
