Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
