need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
