Welp...herpes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
