If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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