Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
