Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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