Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
