so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
