I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
