eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
try to milk me bitch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
