i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
