My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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