TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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